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June 07, 2010

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Mary Beth, I too lost my 3 year old indentical twin daughter on Feb 18 2010. A Day I wish could be different...She was born with liver disease and received her new liver on Feb 11th. One week later died unexpectedly. Not from liver failure as her new liver was working great. Instead, from a veraceal bleed. Anyhow, following her death I had begged God to just let me see her! I have been a christian for all but 9 years of my life and believed in Heaven. But my faith was shaken and I simply wanted to know she was really there and that she was happy. After all...I was her mother and I needed to know this! I had expressed my desire to go to heaven for just a day. Just to see her and know she was ok. The very next day I received a phone call from a very dear prophet/friend of mine. She had a dream and felt God wanted her to share it with me. She was in Heaven as a bystander watching. She saw me in heaven as well...not as a bystander but...I got to visit for a day. I saw my daughter and she was excited to see me not because she missed me...but because she was so excited to show me her knew friend and all the fun things she was doing. They were coloring all kinds of pictures that were layed out on display and eating some strange food. She was happy. She was expecially happy to show me her friend. She was a little asian girl. Her mother was also visiting for the day. I cried so hard after receiving this dream from my friend. God heard my request and although I didn't physically go to heaven or dream it myself he granted my my request through my friend. This was one of the days that I truly felt how much God loved me and cared about my feelings following her death. Anyhow, My husband and I were talking one day about it and were wondering who this little asian girl was. Why was she standing out in the dream so much? Why was her mommy visiting for the day as well? So we called our friend up to as her..."are you sure this little girl wasn't mexican instead ... like DORA?" she said to us "funny thing you called" She and her husband were watching TBN the night before. They hardly ever do that. Stephen was on their promoting his new CD and a video of your little girl was playing. Before She could say anything Her husband said "that looks like the little girl you saw in you dream" And she was thinking the very same thing. It has since been a year and a half since my daughters death. And I have written this story out at least three other times. But...call me CRAZY! I believe that you were the other mom visiting that day and our daughters were drawing pictures in HEAVEN together that day. They are HAPPY! I have felt in my heart was suppose to share this with you as I wasn't the only one visiting that day it was meant for you as well. God wanted you to know also that your little girl is HAPPY...Because a mother needs to know these things :) I have also blogged my journey through her sickness and death and my journey through the grief. Donnaalt.blogspot.com I dont think I will ever stop missing her. I don't think the pain will ever really go away. But...I have certainly learned so much about my God through this journey. How much he loves me. How much he really cares for the broken hearted. I wish things were different...my heart often aches. I hope that this post brings you comfort and I am sorry I had not sent it to you the last three letters I had written and then simply thrown out. I dont know if you will ever read this...but I will trust that if you were meant to hear this then you will find your way back to this blog/post. When I asked God why my daughter had to die....He spoke this to my heart. "she is simply in the place she was created for... HEAVEN" I would love to hear back from you if you ever do get to read this.

In His love,
Donna

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