Heaven Is The Face

MARIA SUE CHUNXI CHAPMAN, MAY 13, 2003 - MAY 21, 2008...  YOU MADE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!

If I could change one thing.....we all know what that would be.  May 21st inevitably comes, and while Maria is never out of my thoughts, this day is the day I wish I could have a re-do.  So many things I could say...  To all of my friends far and near.  Those closest to me and those who only know me by the prayers they've prayed for our family, Thank You for your love.  I think of the ways people have surrounded us, and I can't believe how we have been carried through the last 2 years.  I have to be honest and say....  This is a hard blog to write, as I thought I'd be better?  Is that the word?  or I thought the sad would be not as sad?  In the words of my Grandmother who lost her daughter, my Aunt to cancer....  It is not natural or right to bury your child.  I was 13 years old when my grandmother told me that as she cried for her 43 year old daughter that had just passed.  I never thought I would truly understand what she meant.  But this is the path God has me on, and I know the pain of loss in a way I wish I didn't. 
I never knew grief could physically hurt so much.

Maria,  if I could just smell, kiss, and hold you.  If I could just hear, watch and chase you.  I close my eyes and I can all most feel you looking at me sometimes.  Maybe that truly is how thin the veil between us is.  I long for the day, truly long for it...  when I don't hurt anymore and when I will SEE you again!  Until then, I'll keep a watchful eye and try and love well, your sisters who miss you dearly and your brothers who would love to have another wrestling match with Sumo Girl!

I love you...To Infinity,  AND BEYOND!

Comments

[Lilly]

Dear Mary Beth
I lost my 4year old baby girl 7 months ago. This lost has been my greatest pain. I read your book and I cried through every page. I was encouraged by your faith and your trust in Jesus. There are days when I can't take the pain, when all I want to do is scream, run, kick and punch, there are days when I don't want to get out of bed, and to be honest I also have days wihen I feel angry at God. This pain is so great, and I have so many questions and no answers. I just hope that God will have mercy on me and sustain me through this unbearable pain and sadness.

Thank you for your faithfulness

Lilly

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Thanks, Maria (and all of our angels) will be in our hearts forever!

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[Amy]

My friend just lost her two year old to a tragic accident. Any advice you can pass along? Her and her husband are strong believers.

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[Sara de Horne]

Mary Beth, it is such a hard thing to grieve for a child who's now in the arms of Jesus - much harder to do it publicly! I just read your book and cried over many pages, as I identified so much with your grief. We were blessed with 14 hours with our Jonathon before he went to Jesus (he had Trisomy 18). I am humbled by your courage - to stand up against the Enemy and to SEE. Your family is truly inspiring and I thank and praise our glorious Lord for giving you the strength to share your beautiful story with us. Maria (and all of our angels) will be in our hearts forever! Love and prayers, Sara (from Australia)

[Cayce]

We'll SEE you soon Maria. Is there any way that y'all could reach out to Christian Taylor Green's family?

[Roberta McMahan]

Mary Beth,
I know how you feel to lose your baby girl. My daughter was 31 and April 8th 2011 she took her own live. My heart is in a million pieces right now. It hurts so much. How can I let go of her. She left behind four beautiful girls. This lady in Okla had concert tickets last week that she felt the need to give me to Steve's concert and I had to turn them down so I could go and say goodbye to my baby girl. Maybe some day I will get to make one of the concert. God Bless you both in the month of her beautiful daughters death.

[Becky Pate]

Mary Beth,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a hard day. I wanted to let you know that I lost two babies in 2008. One miscarriage happened in March just before your sweet little girl passed and the second miscarriage happened just 5 months later in August of 2008. I didn't think my husband and I would make it through that year. We went away for our anniversary in November and saw a SCC concert in St Augustine. I cried my eyes out listening to your husband share his story. I had followed it all year, but just hearing him tell it was different. It wasn't until Michael W Smith sang "Healing Rain" and Steven came out that I felt the same calmness and healing that your family talks about. Every once in a while the tears come back, but I know one day we will meet them in heaven. Know that we are always thinking of you and your family and our prayers are with you.
Becky

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Prayers your way! Oh, if not for the Lord.... but it's still hard. Love you!

[Bethany]

I am going to hold my 3 year old baby a little tighter tomorrow after reading this. Life is so precious.

[Christina]

We recently purchased the album 'Beauty Will Rise' and it has become a blessing to my family. My brother was killed in a car accident on May 8th of this year, and the grief feels unbearable at times.

We were listening to the album for the first time yesterday on the way home from the art show at my brother's high school where some of his work was displayed. It was very difficult, because that raw emotion; the questioning and the wondering, the desperate declarations of faith and the deep moments of sorrow are exactly where we are right now as a family.

Reading this post...I'm not sure how to feel right now. But thank you for having the strength to write something, because though I am looking for a time when I will stop feeling sad I guess this opens my eyes to see that it's okay. It's normal. And seeing how God has carried you and others in horrible situations like this through gives me hope. And hope seems so far off, but I cling to it.

I am in the point in my walk where I want to SEE something as well. I want to SEE David in the light of Grace. I haven't gotten there yet, but your story is incredible. Thank you for being so open...for sharing everything with us. It truly has been a ministry in this difficult time.

[Christianne]

Mary Beth,

You don't know me personally, though I have been to your barn for the Asian Invasion playgroup when I lived in Tennessee. We have three children adopted from China and are working on our fourth (and fifth)! One of our daughters from China is currently battling a terminal illness. We have also lost two children at birth.

Needless to say, I feel so much for your pain.

I am wondering if you could send me your e-mail. I have a personal question to ask you. My email is christi405@yahoo.com

I will have you in my prayers. Anniversaries are particularly hard.

Love,
Christianne

[Tina S.]

Mary Beth,
My girlfriend's sister just lost her little boy to a terrible accident on Friday (May 21st). He was just 4 and 1/2 years old... This same family lost their newborn back in August at only 10 days old - due to an infection in his little body. Is there anyway you could reach out to this family - maybe send them a note? They're strong believers and we know the Lord will carry them through this... But prayers and a note, I'm sure, would be so encouraging. Just email me and I'll give you their info. Thank you so much for your time! I've been praying for your family for years and will certainly continue!
Blessings!
Tina S.