I came across these pictures a few days ago, and it just slammed me at how fast time goes by....and how fleeting life really is.... Maria was 5 when she went to be with Jesus, and she is such a little baby/toddler in these photos! If you look closely at the second picture....you'll see her famous "drip". We all used to say Maria leaks! What I wouldn't give to have the top of my shirt wet with her slobber again.... Today is just one of those days, when it all seems very surreal again, and if I take a nap, maybe I'll wake up to life being different.... and Maria running up and down the steps a million times like she always did. Maria was loud as I've told you all before, so her absence is a huge void around here. For the most part, everyone is adjusting to the New Normal, you know the one with a huge elephant in the room that some days you just have to ignore to make it through the day....Or on other days, you talk it out, cry it out, fight it out, or pray it out of the room? I've read now so many books on grief that I should have a degree, but you know what? There isn't any one way to do it. My story isn't yours and your story isn't mine.... I've come to the conclusion that the only thing that people who are suffering and grieving have in common, at least if you believe as I do as a Christian....is the One who suffered for us, and the Father that grieved Him going to the cross, understands....Now, whoever is sitting there saying yeah, right.... I'm with you! There are days that God is sooooooo quiet that I begin to question Him....I'm just being honest.... There seems to be days of silence.... And even with ALL the seeds sprouting from planting the story of Maria into the hearts of thousands.... it still seems quiet when I most need to hear Him... I am still assuming that this is where faith, hope and trust enter the picture. If I stop believing, then what? Maybe that is what God is wanting me to to learn through all the silence.... Some days, I'm good...and I'm hopeful! Some days, I'm screaming...."I believe....help my unbelief!" The chronic pain that lives in my heart and my soul seems to need surgery to fix it...get it better quick....but obviously....16 months into this journey, I'm beginning to realize that God perhaps wants me to heal slowly so that as many things that can be learned about Him is learned.... I'm not being a very good student today....Maybe tomorrow, my attention will be better.... I am trusting He has the Chapman's best plan for us scripted out until we are with sweet Maria again...I'm sure it won't be all happy and pain free...for I know that suffering is one place where he ministers to us the most...So to think that we've had our quota would be foolish....I am just longing for the day when all the pain stops. Until then, may we face each struggle with the hope that He is working out His salvation in us so that when the day comes that all things are made new, and the suffering ends...We will hear him say..."you see?...It's everything I said it would be." I know Maria knows that now. I can't wait until she can give me the VIP tour! Have a great weekend, and again....for those hurting....I'm just very very sorry, and you need to know that He does understand.
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