Maria's 1st Birthday while still living in a Christian Foster Home. We adopted her 2 months later.
Maria's 2nd Birthday, her first with us. Mom made the cake, can you tell?
Maria's 2nd Birthday....again... This time we had another cake and celebrated with friends. Why not have two 2nd birthdays!!!
Maria's 3rd Birthday! Mom attempted a fairy cake and it totally fell apart. Smiles are all that mattered and Maria loved the icing, so all was good! When all else fails....add icing....Lots of it!
So....we had another 3rd Birthday for Maria when more people could be there! This time it was totally Tinker Bell.....Her all time favorite fairy! All three of the little girls were dressed like Tinker Bell and it was a magical day!
Maria's 4th Birthday! She loved Nemo this year so I decided to make her an Ocean cake! I had a blast making it, but I had more fun watching her reaction when she saw it!
Opening presents at her 4th Birthday after eating her Ocean Nemo cake. She is opening her jewelery box with her name painted on it. She was excited to get one that matched her sister's.
Maria's 5th Birthday! Many of you have seen this picture in the last year as it was one of the last pictures taken of her. We had just gotten back from China, and we had a Ballet Cake for her! She loved having her family ALL together and it was a very, very good day.
As I write this blog, I don't even have a title for it yet. I honestly don't know what to write, or what to say. I can think of all the "right" things to say, like...."I'm thankful for the years I had with Maria." That is a true statement, but I still want more years with her. I've heard things like..."she wasn't mine to begin with." That is a true statement as well...She belongs to God, He gave her to me so that I could be her Mommy....I still want to be her Mommy, I wasn't prepared to give her back to the One who gave her to me. I wish with everything in me that I was spending my night trying to figure out what cake I would make (or order), or what cookies or cupcakes I would be taking to her class room tomorrow to celebrate her 6th Birthday. But tomorrow will come and go, and Maria won't turn 6. At least not here on Earth. I'm not sure how it all works in heaven but I do know that she is complete and whole and happy. But here, this side of the Vale, it really just stinks. I miss her and I'd love to have her jump up on my lap with icing all over her and taste her sweet kisses. Maria was always just a giggle away from a full on laugh fest. She was the absolute picture of fun and mischief. Our home isn't the same without her, it is much quieter. Our family isn't the same without her, it is like a chunk of our whole body is missing and the wound feels as though it will never heal. But....I will say that I am certain that the World is a better place for knowing who Maria was. I would give anything to have her back...to push rewind and go back and have this all be different, but because we can't....We have to point others to the one who is singing Happy Birthday to her now....So as much as we can, we will use our suffering as a place where people see our Hope and our Faith. I'm sad. I'm really really catastrophically sad. I'm not sure when it will be better. I guess I will get through this but not ever will I get over it! So I will journey on, knowing that this isn't my home, and that when I reach my journey's end, I will be WITH Maria, longer than I will have been WITHOUT her. I can't thank you all enough for the prayers and the support for our family. Please continue to pray for us, but also take time to pray for all families who have suffered loss, that Christ will meet them somewhere in their grief journey and they will encounter HIM. Bless you today, on this the Birthday reminder of my precious Maria Sue. With that said, I guess I will simply name this blog.....I wanted More.
Hug your little ones tighter,
Mary Beth
Praying...
Posted by: Shar | May 14, 2009 at 01:51 PM
You have been in my thoughts and I know the 21st will be especially hard. You all are being prayed for earnestly.
Posted by: Sandy | May 14, 2009 at 12:56 PM
My heart breaks for you in this most difficult of months! I am continuing to pray for you and all your family. May God grant you little spots of sunshine through these diffcult days and may you feel our prayers surrounding you like a giant hug.
Posted by: Suzie Cole | May 14, 2009 at 10:40 AM
There are so many Christians that end up in the spotlight for the wrong reasons, which cause the world to look at all Christians and shake their heads in disappointment and ridicule. Your family has ended up in the international spotlight for a devastating reason and you have handled it with grace, humility, showing your pain but giving glory to God just the same and God is honored by your actions. Even after years of experience with public life it cannot have been easy to choose how much of yourselves to bare to the world but you have made all the right decisions and have handled the sadness and tragedy of losing Maria Sue in such a mature and honest manner, giving praise to God even through your pain. God has used you as an example to us all of what it means to live as a Christian. I can't wait to hear the stories of lives changed through Maria's death when we are all in heaven! Maria is seeing it all now from her vantage point. We continue to pray for you and your family.
Posted by: Andrea Bain | May 14, 2009 at 10:24 AM
I cannot even begin to know what you are going through. I have never been one to write comments such as this one, but I felt compelled. You have such an amazing gift of being open and honest about your feelings. That makes you so geniue so that so many of us can relate to you. Yes, God is there to comfort you and give you an incredible peace, but the pain is still there and you're working through it day by day. You have such an incredible family around you to support and love you....immediate family and extended family such as all of us who send you comments.
As one mother to another, you will be in my prayers.
Posted by: Amy Forakis | May 14, 2009 at 09:49 AM
My heart aches for you {{{{hug}}}} I wish I had the words to express myself but I am at a lost for words. I will pray for you and for your family.
Posted by: Colleen | May 14, 2009 at 09:47 AM
You have been in my prayers. Love to you and your family.
Posted by: Maja | May 14, 2009 at 09:45 AM
Oh Mary Beth...my heart aches for you. I know how it is to know the truth and to know how we should respond, but every part of us cannot respond the way everyone tells us we should. I am thankful I have never lost a child. I don't think I could make it. I have grieved the heartache of wanting more children and the Lord decided not to give us more as of yet. It's been almost 2 years of trying. Everyone tells me to just be thankful for the children I have, but I find that to just cut me through the heart. It's like telling me I don't love my boys and not thankful for them. Nothing anyone says and nothing I know from God makes me feel any better. I just get through month by month thinking I may be and then realizing I am not. My pain is no where near the pain you are feeling though. A part of me has coped with the fact that I may never have anymore children, but yet there is still a large part of me that longs to hold a little one of my own again. I just want to bring comfort to you by letting you know it is okay to hurt and even be mad with the situation. That doesn't make you any less a Christian, but in a way more of one. To feel pain we have to be alive. The only way to truey be alive is to be reborn in Christ. Therefore, in my opinion, the more pain you experience, the closer you must be to Christ. Peace be with you.
P.S. Maria Sue is such beautiful name, but I may be bias. Mine is Megan Sue :)
Posted by: Megan | May 14, 2009 at 09:43 AM
Have been praying and praying for you over the last year, will continue!!! There aren't even appropriate words to say. Just that we love you, dear sister in Christ, and will not stop praying. Wish we could meet and give you the hugs that are in our hearts for you all.
Posted by: Jodie R. | May 14, 2009 at 07:34 AM
Every time I thought of you and your family yesterday I asked God to comfort you and give you peace. I am so moved by your focus on God despite your pain. God Bless you.
Posted by: Jane | May 14, 2009 at 06:58 AM
Praying for you and your precious family Mary Beth.
Billy Sprague had an album come out after the death of his precious fiancee. "Torn Between Two Worlds." A fitting description of the way you all feel.
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: PastormacsAnn | May 14, 2009 at 12:18 AM
Sending love, prayers and a big hug to your family as you continue to remember, celebrate, heal and grieve all at the same time. I'm so sorry for your devastating loss and know that it has been a very, very hard week for all of you. Know that we are walking beside you through the good days and especially the bad days. You are loved and being lifted you up in prayer continually. Sweet blessings, Amy in OR
Posted by: Amy @ Living a Blessed Life | May 13, 2009 at 11:58 PM
I am so sorry and you have been on my mind so much... especially this month. I truly can't imagine your pain. Sending love from NC, C.C.
Posted by: C.C. Claybrook | May 13, 2009 at 11:16 PM
Hugging them, hugging you! May the peace of God reign in you especially this day, and month and comfort you as only He can!
Posted by: MamaPoRuski | May 13, 2009 at 10:59 PM
Thinking of you all today as you celebrate little Maria's birthday. I know your sorrow is great.......and I pray for peace and comfort today and in the weeks ahead. My 5 year old daughter let her birthday balloons go today.....a rainbow of colors sent to the heavens:) Happy Birthday Maria......YOU definitely changed the world.
Posted by: Dena Olsen | May 13, 2009 at 09:50 PM
hey sister ... love ya ... i remember that second - second birthday party at our house ... celebrating your family's amazing part in Emily's journey to our family ... Maria will always be in our hearts and always always missed ... Can't wait to see the picture you mentioned at the wedding ...
love you always
Posted by: gwen oatsvall | May 13, 2009 at 09:45 PM
Praying for you and the entire family. Who would have ever thought a sweet little girl from China could have touched so many lives in such a short time. Thank you for sharing with us. Wishing you and all the Chapman crew peace today and strength for the days ahead. GOD bless you all! Your family is an inspiration to all.
Posted by: Tammy | May 13, 2009 at 09:44 PM
MaryBeth - Words seem so inadequate - please know that you are loved and prayed for all the time. I pray for you and your family especially today and over the next few weeks. May God grant all of you a peace that truly passes understanding. May that sadness that you talk about not be quite as overwhelming and may you feel the Lord carry you thru these next few weeks.
Posted by: Kathy | May 13, 2009 at 09:41 PM
Mary Beth, thank you for sharing sweet Maria's birthday with all of us. We are blessed to be the parents of two 5 year old little girls from China. This afternoon they saw the photos of Maria on your blog. One of them grinned at me and asked excitedly, "Is it her birthday???". I smiled and said, "Yes, baby, it is." She asked me if Maria lives near us. I told her that Maria lives in Heaven now. She didn't pause at all and said, "Oh, well, if God is in Heaven and He is everywhere then she is everywhere too." I had to agree with her reasoning. We decided to have ice cream cones tonight in honor of Maria's birthday. They were waffle cones with chocolate ice cream and lots of sprinkles. Thank you to your entire family for being so open with the world about Maria and dealing with your grief while still praising God through the storm. All of you are so very loved.
Posted by: Sharon | May 13, 2009 at 09:29 PM
So happy to hear of the Heaven bound balloons today! :) I'm glad that you all were able to find a great way to celebrate Maria's life here on Earth! Still praying for you all! We did something very similar last summer in remembrance of a friend's daughter's first birthday in Heaven. We all got together and released balloons with birthday messages and Scripture verses on them. Still praying for you all!
Posted by: Kim | May 13, 2009 at 09:24 PM
Thank you so much for being willing to share some of what you're going through right now. If, heaven forbid, I ever have to walk the road you've been down, I hope to be able to be transparent with my grief and not just put on a happy face for everyone and pretend everything's okay. I've read your blogs ever since you started them up again after the accident and I continue to pray for grace and healing for you and your family. May God TRULY let you 'SEE' what an inspiration you are to others.......
Posted by: Rick Orrell | May 13, 2009 at 09:14 PM
Praying for you all, everyday. I can't imagine the hurting inside, the ache of your arms to hold her again,,,,everyday. That everyday ache amidst the everyday sunshines. praying for you, everyday, mimi
Posted by: Mimi Hesse | May 13, 2009 at 08:38 PM
Oh, Mary Beth. I am typing through tears. Your Maria reminds me so much of my Cara. She is my middle child and she will be six in October. Ever since the accident and as I have learned more and more about sweet Maria's personality, I keep thinking about Cara. And, then I think of how life would be without her around. I could not even begin to imagine. We said an extra prayer for all of you tonight and will over the next two weeks.
Posted by: Vonda | May 13, 2009 at 08:20 PM
Mary Beth,
Our family continues to pray for you & yours and every other family who has lost someone so dear. We got the chance to talk to your sweet husband a few weeks ago during WOF in Columbus,OH. You see, 6yrs. ago today our sweet twins were born in our hearts and 2yrs,5mo & 9 days ago they came into our hands. I get "God bumps" thinking about it. So we will hug our children a little tighter tonight and we will also remember your sweet face Maria as we sing happy birthday to them-this year & every year. Hugs and prayers from our house to yours.
Posted by: Stacy Ward | May 13, 2009 at 08:05 PM
Mary Beth
You said it all- What a inspriring Blog. I will hug my kids tighter tonight and thank you for always showing your honesty. From that tragic day We as a family had followed you and your family and pray every 21st to pray extra hard. Thank you for being strong and showing your faith.
Posted by: Amy Flumerfelt | May 13, 2009 at 08:01 PM