Easter...

Easter is here whether I am ready or not.  By the time I push the button to post this blog, it will be officially past midnight and It will be Easter Sunday.  This year, I didn't do the official Easter shopping outing where the little girls get new dresses for Easter, nor did any of the eggs get colored (plastic will do this year, right?).  For that matter, the official Chapman Easter baskets were left in the attic and I didn't make it to the store to buy the Easter candy for the baskets that were left in the attic. Easter kind of just snuck up on me.  I knew it was coming but somehow I thought if I didn't look, it would kind of sort of go right on by with out much pain.  I think I was mistaken. Steven is out of town on the United tour and is unable to be home, (trust me, if we would have thought ahead, I would have went there, or he would have routed the tour differently), which means that Caleb is out of town as well.  Emily and Tanner will attend their home church service which means Will, Shaoey, Stevey and myself will go to Christ Community, our home church.  Definitely a different Easter. All of us Chapmans spread out and not together.  It is Mostly different though because of one little squinty eyed girl that made this family complete with her belly giggle and her infectious personality...truly a silly silly goober!  She is painfully missed and the hole that is left in her absense is one that is the shape of her and her alone. No one else can fill the empty place that Maria left.  While I've been reflecting on that however, I began to think again of Easter and what all it represents.  Until now, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday to celebrate...Why wouldn't it be?  Presents to each other, and Christ as a baby, the present to the world so that we could be saved!  A beautiful holiday, one filled with so much joy, expectation, and celebration.  Everything we celebrate at Christmas is really in the form of a present, nicely wrapped with a beautiful bow.....but without Easter, Christmas was just another day.  There could be no Christmas without Easter.  Easter on the other hand has been "colored up" to be a pretty day filled with baskets, candy, gifts, and eggs (I never quite understood the whole bunny and egg thing....maybe the Easter Chicken would have been better....ok, sorry...rambling).  But Easter is messy.  Easter is the cross, Easter meant suffering.  No Christmas without the Cross.  I hope we as Christians never forget what that symbol of the cross truly means.  We have a Savior who not only put Himself in human form as an infant, but fully knowing what the cost would be on the day we celebrate as Easter.  I am thankful in a special way this year.  Knowing that Jesus Christ suffered the most cruel death of crucifixtion on a cross, an innocent man....the suffering that must have been....is comforting to me when I think about Easter withour Maria.  Jesus rose from the dead, walked out of the tomb....People saw Him and touched Him.  The knew it was Him,they knew His voice, they touched His scars.  How exciting it is for me to grasp that the risen Lord, was one that could be touched, heard and recognized...Jesus ascended into heaven like that, which tells me that I will SEE Maria again,  I will touch and hug my little cuddle bug in the most physical sense.  I have that hope, not just because of Christmas, but because of what was accomplished on the cross!  It is hard to live in that reality most days...I'm not gonna lie.....It has been hard beyond what I thought I could ever withstand.  However, the work on the cross that was done on my behalf, on your behalf is what I have to hold onto.  It has to be what causes me to take steps forward in this life.  Sometimes it is 10 steps forward and 5  sreps back, and sometimes it is 1 step forward and 20 steps back, but I'm moving...slowly but surely with my eyes on the prize.  Eternity with Christ and a reunion with a chubby little girl that I didn't get near enough hugs and kisses from this side of the vale.  May this Easter find you with a renewed passion to live in light of what Easter really means.... the Risen Lord who is alive and is coming to get us to be with him forever.....Jesus come quickly....and while I wait, may I love the ones in my care well....and to those of you wondering....my two little girls on either side of me sleeping will yes, wake up to a few little surprises that Mom managed to put together....  :)

A Blessed and meaningful Easter to all of you,

Mary Beth
p.s.  I'll post a few pics of our day a little later.

Comments

[Fabiana]

I love you Mary Beth, thanks for sharing your heart;)

[Carol from Mason]

I'm not sure you'll find this with so many other posts after it, but I just keep feeling like I need to share this. It's been hard to put into words,so forgive me if it isn't just perfect.

I keep hearing "lucky girl". I try to shield my daughter from that, by always saying that I'm the lucky one, never wanting her to feel the role of grateful orphan. But in my heart I know that now, she is part of a family even if it is just me.

Others can see our family, and know that we love each other by many things. The strength of her emotion when she cries out to me if she falls on the playground and I run to her, the protectiveness I feel about her being with strangers, etc.

I know the world can see the intensity of your family's grief. I've learned reading my bible that there are usually 2 things linked together in lessons. Darkness and light, Death and resurrections, etc.

So Your family's intense grief seems the other side of your captivating love. A love that reached across the world, obeyed God and brought your daughters home.

Maria is grieved with such intensity, because she was loved so deeply. It's hard to imagine that there were days when she had no family. We are all lucky to be loved so that one day we will be grieved.

The lonely fear never being grieved, never being loved. It's hard to think about, but your grief is proof of Maria's loved life. At some point, the memory of the love will eclipse the grief. God is THAT good.

I"m not sure that makes any sense, but again today I pray for your family's comfort. May God send his presence to you during the next few months to show His incredible love for you. He moves mountains for you.

[Traela Kloster]

My sweet husband gave me an early birthday present and bought me tickets to the United concert in Long Beach on April 11th. What a wonderful opportunity to worship together with so many others.

I can definitely relate to you when you talked about taking so many steps forward and so many steps back. The more I continue to grow in my faith over the years the more He reveals to me areas I need to work on, but I keep moving, like you, with my eyes on the prize.

My husband is a youth pastor and unfortunately because of the economy the church we were ministering at had to release us. We have been searching and seeking what direction God would have us pursue, but as we do that we keep moving. There are days when the steps are harder to take, but God keeps whispering in my ear to "Trust" and He gives me the strength to step. God has blessed me with an amazing husband who loves Him and hasn't waivered once through this whole ordeal and that example has definitely helped me as well.

It seems like we are always waiting for something. I believe those waiting times for me have been times of growth as I trust in Him to guide me take the next step.

I have prayed for your family and will continue to do so. Thanks for opening up your heart to us and for continuing to keep your eyes on the prize.

[Erna]

I love when you said, "No Christmas without the Cross. I hope we as Christians never forget what that symbol of the cross truly means." Oh, how I try to focus on this fact with my children each year. Thanks for sharing your heart so freely on your blog. We have prayed for you often as you have come to mind & will continue to do so. Blessings to you & your family.

[Christine Gordon]

Always moved by your tender heart leaning on the EVERLASTING ARMS. Praying for you all; in light of this blog and what you've shared I wanted to share this Easter music video. A reminder that Jesus truly changes everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMj084Ggwww

My husband and I voted for SCC; he wins no matter what because he lives out what he sings on stage. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME OH LORD!

Will be asking my facebook friends to vote today too!

Praying on WITH HOPE in MA!
Christine Gordon and Family

[Jean Mulvahill]

The easter egg stands for the rebirth of Christ- the risen Lord Jesus. (My hubby just told me that!)
God bless you and your wonderful family- I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter and for all the pain your dear family has endured.
You are a comfort to many others- I hope that you all find comfort with Jesus.
Blessings from MN,
Jean
PS after seeing your video on adoption we have adopted twice from Ch*na and plan to adopt again soon! The Lord used you to guide us! Thank you Jesus!

[Nicole Bartell]

Mary Beth,

I pray the Lord Jesus will continue to use you; your honesty, your heart, your pain, and your lessons; to minister HOPE and encouragment to those who need it. I know you would rather have it differently, but I cannot tell you the number of times your words have blessed me so sincerely. Thank you, thank you for taking the time to share with us your journey, not hiding anything, but the pouring out the joys and the sorrows that are refining and strengthening you, that we too might be refined and strengthened. May we SEE the fruit of all this soon. Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly.

Many blessings and heart-felt love for you and your family.

Nicole

[Tricia W.]

Dear Mary Beth - we are Easter people even in the midst of darkness and despair. Thank you for the reminder.

[erica randall]

this blog post really touched me!

[Mary Alldredge-Nix]

MB

I've been reading your blog for a little while now... almost as though I was ease- dropping on your feelings and your life. I wanted to share with you how much I see Jesus through your words, your actions, your thoughts, your prayers, your love, your acceptance, and your pain. With everything you have to deal with you still have a sense of humour and you do continue to take steps forward even when it seems you are taking them backwards. I don't personally know firsthand how you are coping.... but your life is certainly an example to everyone who reads your life on here. I met you and SCC in Red Lobster. I was with my son who was recording with Dale in Franklin. Your hands were so full that night.... getting your daughter from or to college.... such a long day for you. I did take a couple of pictures of your beautiful family that night with my cell phone.... feel free to let me know if you would like me to send them to you. It's the whole family eating... with ALL of you... My heart has gone out to your son, is he ok? Please mention something that will let me know how I need to continue to pray for him. He has been on my heart so greatly! God Bless you for all you share and all you have to do without SCC with you. God truly made you for each other. I see that so clearly. Hugs to you my sister in Christ.

[angie]

My first time visiting your blog. Found it through a good friend's blog- whittakerwoman.typepad.com.

I had the same realization this year- nothing can be more significant than what it is we are celebrating on Easter. My husband died three months ago. Each occasion has brought with it it's own hurts as I miss him. Like a speed bump. But Easter, while not easy, was refreshing.

I'm praying for your wonderful family tonight.

Angie
www.prayforthelamberths.com

[Rosanna]

Mary Beth,
Shaoey and Stevey Joy are such sweetie pies:)So sorry that your Easter was differently experienced this year. Sounds like you were very busy in Chicago w'Willy Frank leading up to it. My prayers were with you all. If you get a chance read Susan Klenk's easter tale w/out her son Michael at www.caringbridge.com/michaelklenk. I think you and Susan are angels on Earth. Take care MB. God..the ever present help when we need Him most.

[kim from mississippi]

I had a cloud over this easter ,too. I couldnt stop thinking about you and your family, mary beth. when i checked the blog and the final four was still the post, I had a mother's intuition that this time was especially hard and that depression must have snuck in. I cant wait to meet your Maria and SEE the beautiful child that led my family back to Christ. This blog has been so helpful to me and my Christian walk. We, too, are starting the long road to an asian princess, God willing. I will continue to pray for your family and you as a mother. I pray for you to be able to function , more than function for the ones you have here on earth. I pray that you will have the strength to make the memories with them that you long to still be making with Maria. She is still there with you in spirit and i believe she is on every outing you take and she's with you and her family all the time. I love you and pray for you daily!!!!

[Korinne]

Still praying and sending love to you all.

Thanks for the ongoing reminders to show love to those we are with daily.

With admiration,

Korinne

[jodi]

Mary Beth,
Still praying and carrying you to Jesus. Thank you for sharing. Your words are a powerful challenge and inspiration. I was so thankful to attend Steven's concert in Long Beach, CA. It was awesome! Thank you for sharing him with us.
Jodi

[Tamara]

You are on my mind so much lately. Thank you for sharing your heart so that I can have some idea of how to pray.

[Cindy]

Easter was always my dad's favorite holiday and so mine too, he's been missed now for ten years and I have a ten year old son who barely knew his grandpa and three daughters from China who never knew my dad. I miss him so. But I know he watches from above and sends us all hugs.
Happy Easter to your family! Hugs. Your thoughts and sharing bring me to tears. I feel the loss of loved ones too but you give me hope. HE gives us Hope!

[Julie Wilson]

Thank you for being so transparent! I am praying for you and your sweet family! My heart breaks for you as you miss little Maria. I am so thankful that because of Easter we will see our sweet loved ones again!
You and your family are dearly loved!

[Lara]

Mary Beth,
Thank you for sharing your heart through your blog. We too have kept Easter minimal this year. Our six-year-old China princess just joined our family three months ago. Without the language to explain and understand all the wonder of Christ's gift and sacrifice, I did not want such a special holiday to be remembered for eggs, bunnies, and chocolate. We have a long road ahead, but I hope that some day my little girl will also ask how to go to God's big house. What an incredible treasure they are!
Praying still for all the Chapman family,
Lara

[Julie]

Praying for you. My heart breaks for you guys still, and always will. Each day, reliving the painful loss...hold fast!

[Amy]

Mary Beth,
I have thought about you and your family and Maria every day since May 21 and I was thinking of you all yesterday. I thought of you while I was at church and listening to the pastor I just kept thinking about what Jesus had endured for us and being so thankful to be a Christian. I can sense the ache in your heart and I know that ache will not go away until Maria is in your arms again. I pray that the comfort you get from that thought sustains you and brings you hope and allows you more steps forward than back.

MB...I have written on your blog many times (fyi that the blogs on SCC's website are the only blogs I have ever written on in my life!) and every time I pray that I will write something that brings you peace but I know that your peace will come when you are with Maria again. There was a gentleman who wrote that Maria had changed his heart and that is true for me, too. I never knew her but she has this ability to touch me even after her death...it's what brings me to your blogs every day...wanting to know your thoughts...your joys...your sorrows...your struggles...your triumphs. It's what keeps me praying for you all every day...and it's what will keep me praying for you all. There's a line from the song "Here I Am" by Downhere that says "Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand? I know that You will finish what you began."...I think of you all when I hear that because God will stand with you and you will SEE His plan.

Mary Beth...please keep sharing and letting us know where your thoughts are and letting us know how we can pray for you.

Please kiss those 2 little sweeties of yours and love them well.

All my prayers...
Amy

[Melody M]

Mary Beth,
I have been thinking a lot about you and how I know that you must long to hold Maria again. Everything kept me thinking about her and her memories and everything with my church's sermon yesterday and how my preacher spoke on a friend that lost his dad on Easter Sunday a few years ago and how awesome it must be to be with Jesus on Easter Sunday. That got my thinking about Maria. How she is with Jesus on Easter Sunday. Then watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition last night. How the parents had adopted 6 older orphans from China that were special needs children. I remember Steven saying how Maria was a special needs child. I can't remember why though. I would love to find out sometime. I will have to listen to the interview again when SCC was on Focus on the Family last August. I do look forward to the day to meet you if I don't meet you on Earth and your precious Maria. You and your family still have my thoughts and prayers. I love your heart. You are so real and raw and open about your feelings. You should be. I am glad that you are. I also have been thinking what Maria would have grown into a beautiful young woman had she not died that day and went to Heaven to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

[Stephanie Crawford]

You have been on my heart a lot this past week. So, please know the Crawford house has been praying for you.
Tatumn Hope our little Asian delight has fallen in love with the When love takes you in video and we have watched it a bunch this last week, too.
This was such a lovely and honest post. Thank you.
Praying you on......
Blessings, Stephanie Crawford

[Clarissa]

Happy Easter to you as well!!!! My prayers are with you all!!!

[Renee]

Well said Mary Beth! Praying for all of you! R.