A rainy day at the beach is better than a sunny day at school (so say my kids)!

God has been so gracious this week.  He has allowed me some sweet alone time with Him which has resulted in sweet tears.  I must say that the tears and the ache in my soul and heart will always be there for that precious little girl and for my son who continue to be my hero... But, when I am experiencing the taste of that salty bitter water that comes rolling down my face, God definitely meets me and whispers that slowly and surely those salty tears that HE created and gave me will begin to taste sweeter as He allows me to SEE more clearly the picture and story He is painting and writing in all of our lives as it pertains to Maria and Will Franklin.  Just like my son, Caleb said....  The painting now is really blurry because we are standing so close to it and we can't make sense of it.....but the further we get away from the painting the more it will come into focus.  I wish we could go back to May 21, 2008 and live the day differently, make different decisions about the day and still have little Ria with us.  But....  I know God was there and He is in control, just like He is with us when our kids leave the nest, or get married....  He is there.  (by the way....  Caleb and Julia's date is May 10, 2009, Mother's Day....  How's that for a Mother's Day present?

Love you,

Mary Beth

Comments

[Southern Gal]

Wishing you a great finish to spring break. Thanks for sharing with us.

My oldest, my only girl, is getting married May 16th. I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day.

[Tori]

May 10th for a wedding.
Mother's Day perfect day for a beautiful
wedding.
Such darling pictures of you and the sweeties.
Can't wait till tomorrow to see what you are all doing on Spring Vacation at the Beach.
Hope the sun shines tomorrow.
Rain is nice but the sun is better especially
when at the Beach.

[Kimberly Barger]

Mary Beth, you are certainly one of a kind :-) If you only knew how much your openness effects us. I was just telling a friend yesterday that the way you share shows me that it is OK to hurt and grieve. That just because we are Christians does not mean that we are over our pain in a day or two. It means that we need to continue to cry out to the Lord and ask for His guidance each and every day, showing our DEPENDENCE on Him. You have also showed me that even though you still miss Maria terribly and are continuing to grieve, it does not mean that your faith is weak. It means that you are a woman in pain. I am so sorry for your sadness, but I appreciate your raw emotions. Thank you :-) You are an awesome woman!!!!

Kim Barger

Continue to have a memorable vacation with your family!

[Holli]

Mary Beth,
Sweet baby girl. There is not a day that goes by that I don't pray for you and your precious family. How I wish that I could do something to take away your pain and sadness. Continue to hold onto our Father - He holds all of us and will never let go. May He continue to cover you and Will and the entire Chapman family with His ever lasting love. I look forward to that day when I'll see you, Steven, and Maria dancing together on the streets of gold. I am proud to be your sister,

Much love,
Holli

[Kelly]

We are lifting you in prayer all this week... hoping this time brings happy memories and healing. We're sharing some moments with you on Twitter... they remind us to pray! We love you, and in my mother's heart, I so often picture your little Ria twirling on those streets of gold. Lord bless you, MaryBeth. It may not get easier, but the hope is so, so real of that reunion some day to come!

[Jenny]

Mary Beth,
Thanks for sharing your heart and the precious pics. There's nothing better than spending time with our heavenly Father :) Whatever we are going through or feeling, He is right there holding us. And in time, I believe you will get to see more and more glimpses of that amazing painting that He is painting with all of your lives. God has His hand on your family and will continue to work through you guys. Thank you for allowing Him to do this and shine through you. Be blessed MB!

We love you and continue to pray that He would heal your hearts and give you all the strength that you need to get through the day.

And praying for Caleb and Julia as they prepare for marriage. What a great day for them to get married!
-Jenny (from NY)

[Abbey]

You truly are a remarkable woman Mary Beth, your such an inspiration to me and so many other people. I will continue to pray for you MBC and for the whole Chapman crew =)!!! Ooohh i'm so pshycied that Caleb is getting married. May 10th is a good day! Mothers day oh yeah XD!!! Thanks for sneaking us the date ;P!!! Hang in there MBC!!!

~Abbey

[kim from mississippi]

I often wonder how you have the strength to take trips adn do all the things you do and then i'm reminded by your own words how God SEE's you thru it all and He gives you the strenth to go on even when you dont feel like it. I miss Ria and she wasnt even mine and i thank you and your family for sharing her with us. Like i've said before, she brought me back to the God i had forgotten about, or moved away from, and now because of her and y'all, we got our adoption guide and packet in the mail and are beginning the process of gaining an asian princess ourselves. Steven says on the shohannahs hope video, when God gives you the heart of adoption, watch out! I cant wait to do this. All of my kids are on board and so is my husband.( a miracle in itself) Im asking for special needs. If anyone has any advice, experience,strength,hope,etc, my email is springkjs@aol.com. Mary Beth, i continue to pray for you as you live the new normal. ( a friend said that normal was a setting on a washing machine, that;s all!) and y'all pray for us about this adoption. love you all so much and love the pics of Stevey Joy and Shoaoey!!! I truly cant wait to hear how God's speaking to you and cant wait to hear SCC's songs!!!

[jolynn van wienen]

mary beth
it is so very true about the not knowing/understanding why maria was called home so young and being so close to the picture and not seeing the bigger one. we lost our seth just 17 months ago and we are just now starting to see part of the bigger picture. God has placed it on our hearts to start a non-profit faith-based ministry to children who are grieving. talk about WAY out of my comfort zone - but i guess that's EXACTLY where He wants me to be isn't it. we are so excited and scared and humbled by what He is calling us to do. we pray that we will have a lasting memory for seth, but more importantly a place to honor the One who brought us through this deepest, darkest valley....the One who carried us through. you will get there too, mary beth. you've been such an inspiration to everyone. i know that you probably don't think so - but you are. the 'bigger picture' will come into view
piece by piece. (or should i say peace by peace).
praying you through your valley while traveling through mine....
jolynn vanwienen
hudsonville, mi

[Sharon]

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."
Jeremiah 29:11-13

[Paige Betterton]

As I have been praying for you, I have been feeling that peace is on the way for you. I don't know if it will be the same peace you felt before you lost your sweet Maria or if it will be different. But it will be peace. I'm praying it for you today. There's just something bout the beach!!!!!

Still Praying,

Paige Betterton
wwwbettertonfamily.blospot.com

[Mary]

Nice date caleb!!! I am slightly partial to may 10 th myself only becuae that is my husband and my anniversary date...Six years this coming May...It is fas approaching!

And Mary Beth Caleb is so right....As I get "older" i realize that for my harship in my life...(my visual impairment) I was fourteen when I lost my central vision and I felt as though God was robbing me of the rest of my life....But you know what....God used that to preserve me from myself...Self destructive behavior....God needed me like that so I didn't mess up my life. Now that I am 15 year past that awful day...i can SEE the road God had for me...It had lots of bends and turns BUT had He not preserved me and protected me from Myself then My road would have looked differently. Maybe I would not be a pastor's wife and have the great husband that I have and the three ctest kids..BUT It took a little while and God got my attention..FULL force. I dedicated my life to be a missionary at 16...I knew I was going to be in full time ministry at 16. God hadn't ruined mylife..HE WAS DIRECTING IT!!! Yeah I may not be able to drive BUt I have done everything else and more than most people my age. I have been to China and taught in a university and I have graduated from Bible College, had three kids and am now a pastor's wife...al before I am 30! Caleb hit the nail on the head...he was dead on. I am living testimony of that. And so will you as long as you stay focused on the Lord. I may be "younger" and most people would say that Ican't or shouldn't speak of understanding what you have been through. But I have weeped those bitter tears and yes there are days that I would love to take one of my children out for a drive and go to the mall with my daughter BUT when those thoughts come I remember I have a closer relationship with my husband because we do EVERYTHING together. We have to! THAT WAS GOD"S PLAN and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I hope the rest of your vacation is a blessed one!

[elizabeth from wi]

i love reading every word you write. it's full of emotion; very real and still raw, but still full of hope. i love it.
~last month marked what would have been our baby #2's 6th birthday. the other 364 days of the year pass w/o a lot of emotion; many thoughts though, but on that day-even 6 years later, the tears still fall. i miscarried during that pregnancy and feb.24th was the due date...my sister-in-law did give birth on that exact day tho. their little girl did turn 6 last month~
thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings 'on paper' and being brave enough to let the rest of us read them.
we love you all very much. and pray for your family often.

[diane]

I am praising God for meeting you exactly where you are at, and, His words are true. He said He would never leave us.

Thank you, Mary Beth, for continuing to wrap yourself and your family in Christ.

I thank God for this family He extends to all of us through Jesus! I am humbled to be God's daughter and your sister.

[Tami]

how faithful the father is to you, mary beth...
praying that he continues to whisper to your healing heart.

in christ -
tami

[Joseph and Karen]

Mary Beth,

You are such a dear mother to your children and stellar to SCC. We are truly blessed every time we read your post. Our Heavenly Father is using you in so many different ways to encourage and bless others.

We don't believe the sting of pain will pass away until we're reunited with our loved ones that went home ahead of us.

Please be reminded that we always bring you and your family to the Heavenly Father. May you and your family continue to feel His healing and strength every minute of the day.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:8-9

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:9

Enjoy the every moment spent with your precious girls, boys and SCC

[Janele]

Won't it be wonderful when we finally see the painting? Those words that God gave to Steven- seem as though they were intended just for me- "..God is God and I am not.." "God is God and I am man, so I'll never understand it all..". Sometimes that's the only way I can make it through the day. My unborn, full term son went Home thirteen years ago today. I am eagerly anticipating the new songs that are coming from Steven's pen. I know that whether he knows it or not, the Lord is going to give him words just for me.

[Tori]

Sweet Mary Beth,
You make me cry with your touching words.
I know the heartache is to much, but I pray
for you that the Lord will continue to shower
you with love and comfort.
I love the way you say the Lord is in control. Even though it is raining I know
the sunshine shines in your heart. You are
a loving wife, wonderful mother, and above all a Christian.
Will always continue to pray for you and your
precious family.
Many prayers for sweet Will Franklin.
May the Lord send you a Beautiful Rainbow
from Heaven.

[JulieinCa]

Thank you for sharing, praying for you.

[Rebecca Jo]

OH... I was instantly drawn to your hands - your holding KNITTING needles!!! You have always been cool to me - but now, you are OFFICIALLY COOL! I love me fellow knitters!! You have to show some things you've knit!

[Karen]

I'm sorry. I want to encourage you in two ways. John 19:25 "Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother..." The sweet Mary (whose name in part you bear)who said "Yes" to God so many years before was there for the unfair death of her own son. Hey, wait a minute...She said "Yes", took the risk, was obedient, righteous, devout and look where it got her and her precious son. Put the brakes on...this isn't how it is suppose to go. Don't you think she looked back during those hours wishing she did things differently....shouldn't have lost him in the temple......shouldn't have pressured him during that wedding from Cana.....maybe I could have done something to change the outcome....was I a good enough mom.......does he know how much I love him.......what a gift he was to me... You were a great Mom to Maria. You went half way across the world to bring her home. You used the gifts and resources God gave you to be obedient, took the risks, said "yes" when so many others can but don't. You devoutly trained her about God and his ways. You continue to seek Him and know Him more deeply and fully despite circumstance. Remember that Mary, who went through the pain and agony of the cross, saw her resurrected Son just a few days later. Your wait, Mary Beth, may be a bit longer but you too will SEE the resurrection of your precious child in His time. For me, seeing examples such as Mary help me to recognize that I am not alone, others have kept the faith before me. It is always a great model and encouragement. The second encouragement is for WF but along the same lines. Don't allow one singular event to define your life. Along the same lines as Mary, I tell my husband when he is discouraged. Look at all the Biblical great men. Moses...murderer before leader. David....murderer, adulterer before and during his leadership. Noah...laughed at, scorned. Job......geez, rejected by everything and everyone, looked like at total loser. Peter...couldn't get it right three times and was told by Jesus what the test was going to be. I could go on and on. It was a terrible accident. But a more terrible accident is to be held back by the past and steal away all the greatness God has in store for the future. Everytime those doubts, depressions and fear come point him to those men of faith who despite ALL the odds stacked against ran the race strong, hard, and focused on the prize set before them. His Word is infalliable. The longer I live, the more His Word is the only thing that makes sense, is the only thing that combat the doubts, fears, anxieties, and depressions of my soul. Focus on the TRUTH. Don't waste time with the tapes in your head. You are in my prayers.

[Debbie from Ohio]

What a wonderful Mother's Day gift to you and to Julia's mother also. How profound the words are that Caleb spoke about the big picture....amazing young man! You're a special lady, Mary Beth! God bless you

[Suzette]

Mary Beth,

I'm sure the pain has been overwhelming, but I am so glad God is giving all of you this time of healing. The painting analogy was such a beautiful way to look at this time. Oh, how difficult it is too SEE when we are up close, but God's time and hand will help you SEE more clearly. I pray that HIS arms continue to hold you. Enjoy your Spring Break!

[jen]

Hi Marybeth.

I remember last spring when I heard about Maria, my heart was so broken for your family. I never thought that a similar situation would happen in my own. 3 weeks ago, my cousin's 3-year-old son was struck by a car and killed in an incident involving a family member.

There have been many parallels to what has happened within your family, and I am so grateful that you have been so open and brave to share your heart and your struggles with the world. I feel a glimpse of hope, reading this. Thank you for putting yourself out there.. it is helping a family who is going through a similar situation.

[Pouillyfamily]

In one of my darkest times I found the Psalm that read "He holds our tears in a bottle."

How awesome; I cannot conceive of His love for ME, and He loves EVERYONE that much.

Sunshine is here...hope it soon reaches the beach!