Picture taken in summer of 2006 I believe
There has been a lot of clouds these days, and honestly the rain, or should I say tears that come from those clouds have been falling a lot for some reason these last few days. More on that later.... BUT...Today, a sliver of sunshine through those thick black storm clouds has come shining through...today is Emily's Birthday. Yep, 23 years ago today, little Emily Elizabeth came into our life, forever changing it for good, but we had no idea how this little wrinkled bundle of jaundice would impact the lives of so many children and families....ours at the top of the list! HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!!!! We love you so very much. On a day when mom is having a hard time holding it all together, I am thrilled that your life is being celebrated today. You never have been able to do things average or normal I must say....starting with your birth, you decided it would be better to make a dramatic entrance and stir things up a bit...resulting in an emergency c-section. Even the pregnancy kept the doctor guessing as he was just plain convinced you were a boy! (For those of you scratching you heads.....I didn't even have an ultrasound for Emily, they didn't do them back then unless there was a need)...now that is a long time ago and I am not getting any younger! OK, thanks for letting me brag a bit on a special little girl. Emily, I am so proud of the woman you have become......and I LOVE the husband that God sent to you. Tanner is an unbelievable gift to you and thus to us, and your Dad and I are excited to watch where God takes you two on this incredible journey called life. Remember that life is just the journey...we are not home yet, we are walking, running, skipping, plodding, crawling (that describes me currently) ...however you want to view it...towards our true home, heaven....where He will make all things new, and all those prayers we thought were never answered will be seen in full view and we WILL hold that little nugget of a sister and daughter again.... In the mean time, it is a blessing watching you and Tanner impact the lives of so many along the way. We love you dearly. Caleb, Will, Shaoey, Stevey, and Maria are all better for having you as a big sister. Thanks for setting the example of how to walk with Christ in front of all of them. Ok....enough of gushing over Emily...thanks for letting me think out loud a bit while I pondered her life this morning... I hope you all have a great day, and can SEE the sliver of sunshine in your cloudy day.... On a different note....CPA plays David Lipscomb in the District Championship tonight.... I know it isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of life, but I sure would love to WIN!!!! There! I said it! guilty! I love basketball and I LOVE watching Will Franklin and his buddies play for CPA. Many of them I've known since they were itty bits! If God does hear prayers to win, which I'm pretty sure he doesn't.....but in case He does.... I would love it if you would all (unless you are a David Lipscomb fan of course, which is fine....) would lift Will and His team up today and tonight.... I guess I should say for safety and for no injuries and good sportsmanship, but the ugly truth of my heart.... is really to WIN! Go CPA!!!! I'll keep you posted!
Mary Beth, I haven't forgotten your lose, I haven't forgotten your affection for your daughter and I often wonder how your family are. I read The Shack recently and hoped you and Stephen had read it. I hope that as the days goes by that you may be able to remember and talk about your daughter, I think talking about our loved ones is such a natural and important thing to do and really hope that you find people willing to listen and care over the days and years to come. I am thankful for my family and friends who listen to me when I pour out my heart, I sometimes wonder if they think I'm crazy to be still in a strange place but I reckon they've had there crawling days too and understand that healing takes time. Love Victoria xo
PS/ Have you heard of the book 'Letters to a younger self'??
This is a letter I wrote which I hope encourages you to keep looking up. It is written to me at a time when my boyfriend left me after two years of fun, friendship and hope for the future.
June 2002
Hi Victoria
I can see you. I can see that you have a big heart, you always have done.
I see that your heart is broken right now, that you feel that you have lost your life partner, your friend and your lover. I can see that you don't know how life will ever be the same. You see him in everything around you - in the music being played in the shop, in the books on your shelf, in the letters he wrote, in the memories of moments shared. But Victoria, I want to encourage you. Your father is right, "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." And about what you know, it true - with time there is healing.
Victoria, you are going to come through this one day at a time. You are going to look back and be thankful that your God loved you and comforted you, directed your path and provided for you during this time. Victoria - you are going to be amazed by the love of your family and your closest friends as well as strangers on trains who gave ear to you in your time of need. What you had with him was precious - the love you shared can not be taken away from you, you learnt how to give and receive, how to really listen and care, how to enjoy being enjoyed...these are important life lessons, they will not be lost.
Victoria, what I want you to do is to be honest with those who love you, they love you so much and want to be there for you, they have appreciated your love towards them so much over the years and want to be able to give something back - allow them to do this, it is important for your heart. Your sister will drop everything for you, Mary will write you a note reminding you that you are special and loved alot. Alison will be waiting for you.
I hope this brief letter helps a bit. Remember to look up!
Much love and understanding,
Victoria
Posted by: victoria | February 28, 2009 at 09:30 AM
Just a quick note to tell you we haven't forgotten little Maria. I have a friend who lost her daughter to cancer several years ago. She says people won't talk to her about her young daughter (my youngest daughter's age) because they're afraid it will hurt her but she wants to talk about her. I try every year to call her or send her something on the day she lost her to tell her that I remember her. We'll always remember your loss and hope God sends you plentiful blessings.
Posted by: Linda | February 28, 2009 at 12:57 AM
Mary Beth - I hopefully pray right now that you get this email. I was on a plane with my daughter last September. We were flying to American Girl in Dallas for her "9th" birthday. Your husband sang her a few Happy Birthday words and allowed me to take a picture. I do not know where to go, who to contact, or how to do this...but our small private christian school in Madison, TN is having a Pine Car Derby on Sunday, March 8 at 9:00am. All the children have made their little cars to race..and now we need a "children, start your engines" person..and I would love to suprise them with your husband! I am usely a very resourceful woman, but have had a very hard time finding any sort of "real" contact information for him...please forgive me for going thru this blog...but thank you for reading it. You may contact me at wav8797@comcast.net. I am on the board at the school as well as the fundraiser chair. Thank you again. Vicki
Posted by: Vicki - Madison Campus Elementary | February 27, 2009 at 06:37 PM
Me tears are flowing with you. I will say a prayer for you & your family!
Posted by: Jill | February 27, 2009 at 03:31 PM
Dear Mary Beth,
I'm glad the birthday of your lovely oldest daughter brought you a ray of sunshine. I know she was used by God in a special way to build your family. Our family has a similar story as our daughter, who is now sixteen, has prayed seven younger adopted siblings into our family. Which leads me to why I am writing, as I have been meaning to do this for a long time. Our four-year-old son, Eli, has been faithfully praying for your family since the loss of your little Maria...every single day. I just wanted you to know that. May God continue to bring your healing and comfort until you can hold her one day again in Heaven.
Posted by: Dawn | February 26, 2009 at 09:38 PM
What a beautiful birthday tribute to your lovely daughter. We are still praying for you and your family every single day.
Posted by: Kelly H-Y | February 26, 2009 at 03:08 PM
Actually I just realized they have probably already played - oh well - good intentions count for something - right!?!?!
Posted by: Jeanette | February 26, 2009 at 10:23 AM
I will pray they win!! :) and for safety and all that other good stuff too!!!
Happy Belated Birthday Emily!!! I remember being at my first concert of Steven's and he was talking about the you are treasure song. I felt as if I knew her. He has such a special way of introducing us to all of you even if you are not present!! You are absolutely right about waht a wonderful woman she has become. NO, I don't know you all personally, but man can you see the power of God on her life. All the way through the net!! :)
Praying that the tears are be followed by the JOY of the LORD!!!
Jeanette
Posted by: Jeanette | February 26, 2009 at 10:21 AM
Still praying regularly for all of you. The Holy Spirit brings it all in waves...I'm sure to coincide w/ your waves of grief...& slivers of sunshine. Happy Belated to Emily. I feel like I know her. All 4 of my kids grew up on Hide Em in Your Heart w/ Emily singing along...and even that brief moment of Caleb bangin' the drum (go figure). I'm so old now, I remember the days of SCC introducing the kids as Eenie, Meenie, & Miney (sp) 'cause we don't want no Mo. First time I heard that was in Leola Pa. Will was just a few months old I think. Eeks. I'm not old -- I'm ancient! Well, given we just celebrated my great aunt's 100th bd on the 24th, I guess I might just be a spring chicken :) Your on the "Road to Beautiful" MaryBeth. I know the Lord is the One holding all of your hearts, breathing life into you day by day. I don't know that it will ever get "easier" -- I think all we can do is learn to lean more on the strong arms of Jesus b/c w/o Him we couldn't go on. I can just see the beauty of the Father scooping each of you up when you're curled up in balls of grief, holding you close and loving you through it. He knows. He's the Only One who really SEES. And, I promise you, we'll be faithful to pray. I truly believe "the prayers of a righteous man accomplish much...that God is able to do exceeding abundantly MORE...for no eye has SEEN, nor ear heard, nor mind perceived WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM..." Our family loves you all.
Posted by: Claudine in MD | February 26, 2009 at 08:22 AM
You crawling...it's a deeply moving visual. Once again, tears flow for you and prayers rise for you. My you FEEL the support while you ache to SEE your beautiful girl.
~Korinne Ritenour
P.S.- You grabbed my attention with "To Infinity and Beyond" My husband used to sign his letters from a combat zone that way.
Posted by: Korinne | February 26, 2009 at 08:03 AM
Oh, how I hate to hear that you are struggling. I don't want you to not tell us, however, because I want to pray! I just want sunshine for you! Ramping up the prayers.
Posted by: Tanya Robinson | February 25, 2009 at 06:13 PM
You have just a beautiful gift of words. I pray for you daily and I only hope to be as Godly of a wife and mother.
Posted by: Lisa Dreher | February 25, 2009 at 05:06 PM
haha I didnt know the 24th was emily's birthday.. In 2005 I went to one of your husbands concerts and I totally forgot that he had mentioned it was her birthday! Happy Birthday Emily!
Posted by: Hannah | February 25, 2009 at 02:06 PM
What an awesome gift to have such a loving firstborn daughter. I have one too and she never ceases to amaze me.
May God continue to strengthen, comfort, uphold you, and give you peace as you continue to mourn your precious Maria. We love you!
Posted by: Samantha | February 25, 2009 at 12:34 PM
praying for you today. Praising God with you for Emily. You have done such a wonderful job with your children, I really look up to you.
Posted by: julie in Ca | February 25, 2009 at 12:25 PM
Happy Birthday Emily! I see that your brother Will and team won the basketball game on your birthday. Is that a cool birthday present or what? It looks like Mom's slivers of sunshine on a cloudy day are becoming rays of sunlight. God always gives us what we need when we need it. Praise Him!
Posted by: Patricia | February 25, 2009 at 10:02 AM
keeping you guys in prayer-
birthday blessings to you emily! the 24th is my son's bday too :)
Posted by: Sarah | February 25, 2009 at 09:45 AM
Happy Birthday to Emily! I can't believe that she's 23... it seems like yesterday she was that young teenager in "Fingerprints of God"... time flies by! Boy, don't I know it... my girls are 19 & 18 and I can't believe my baby girl is graduating high school this year! Time continues to fly by!
Prayers to you as you struggle some this week... and a great big hug to you!
Charlotte
Pittsburgh, PA
Posted by: Charlotte | February 25, 2009 at 05:43 AM
Happy Birthday Emily!! You sound like a great woman of God and im so glad to be able to learn a bit more about you thru what your Mom has written here :) all the best for the year ahead! (your just a few months older than me, I turn 23 in June :) )
Mary Beth, just wanted to share something i heard recently - its something i heard Louie Giglio say in his 'how great is our God' talk as I was watching the dvd the other day, i hope it encourages you a little :)
"Christianity is not a story of people who have their lives all together. Christianity is the story of people who can never get all their stuff together and the story of a great God who holds it all together for us."
Will pray that you would know God's awesome comfort and His lifting you up and carrying you through these extra tough days..
*Priscilla*
Posted by: Priscilla from NZ | February 25, 2009 at 01:47 AM
Just wanted to let you know that not a day has gone by since May 21st, that two of my daughters (4 & 6), have forgotten to lift you guys up in prayer. They have such a burden for your family and are constantly praying for God to comfort you all and bring you peace. After reading this today (and weeping for you) I told them tonight at bedtime that "we need to keep on praying special prayers for Maria's mommy, since she's having a hard time lately." They prayed SO earnestly and it really just touched my heart. I am so sorry you have to walk through this, but trust our faithful God to care for you as only He can. Just know that you are loved and prayed for every single day here in our home....
Posted by: Susan W. | February 24, 2009 at 10:46 PM
Can bearly write through the tears; Happy, Happy Birthday Emily! Have never met; but I feel blessed to hear of your PRECIOUS life! I loved hearing about the day you were born!
Mary Beth.....I mean it when I say that when you weep; I weep and when you rejoice I'm celebrating too.
More Mothers should have hearts that are as tender as yours; because TRULY...children are a gift from the Lord.
I lost my firstborn Cassandra almost 8 years ago.........and the simplest things can make the tears fall.........I will always want her........
Praying on because I care...and am confident the Lord hears the cries of our hearts.........
Christine Gordon and Family in MA
Posted by: Christine Gordon | February 24, 2009 at 10:14 PM
Mrs. Chapman,
I just love reading your posts! (happy b-day emily!!!) u are such an encouragement and i continue to pray for you all. today marked one and a half years since my mom went to be with Jesus and just reading all your posts and seeing how u are trusting God one moment at a time really encouraged me that there is HOPE. Maria's story has really impacted me and i have been able to share it with many people and so many have been touched....
Posted by: erica randall | February 24, 2009 at 09:47 PM
To an awesome young lady I say, "Happy Birthday!" To you, Mary Beth, I pray you feel Abba Father's loving arms wrapped around you and comforting you. It has to be so rough, this road of grief that you and your family are traveling. Strength for you is my prayer and I pray that you look that storm right in it's face and tell it how BIG your GOD is! Blessings!
Posted by: Debbie from Ohio | February 24, 2009 at 09:21 PM
Happy BIrthday Emily!
Mary Beth its not surprising your kids are amazing, you have an awesome mommy heart and special love for Jesus. They both shine through. Go Will!!! Would love to see your mom post about your win!
Marias house certainly looks heavenly. Cannot wait to see pics of the little angels who will fill it! YEAH!! Prayin for yall. Beleiving that the LOrd will suit you all up with His armour! I know the attacks that can come. I have a 20 year old in China working at Hidden Treasures Foster home in Fujian China!
Posted by: Cathy ZIller | February 24, 2009 at 09:15 PM
happy birthday to emily! it's a good day for a birthday. it's my birthday also, but it's been over 10 years since i've seen 23. :)
continuing to keep you and your family in my prayers.
Posted by: Amy Nabors | February 24, 2009 at 08:48 PM