Anniversaries & Other Poor Advice

Today, I'm remembering an awful, tragic day a year ago. And thinking about the journey since. It was a year ago today, May 21, 2008, that for reasons only God can explain Maria Sue Chapman left this earth.

I haven't pondered aloud for awhile here... I hope you don't mind if I share some personal thoughts today. When I lost my Dad as a teenager, on the one year anniversary of his death someone gave me a piece of advice. They said not to treat the date as special. They said it's Just one more day further away from the hard day that he died. Tomorrow is just day 366. As the years have gone by I've become more and more convinced that in my opinion that was very, very bad counsel.

I think the anniversary of losing someone you love is very important. It is sacred. It is special. It needs to be remembered. It needs to be commemorated. 

well, that's my opinion. Grief is such a slippery and grey and personal thing. Perhaps letting the person grieving lead the way is best. 

This year has again reminded me that sometimes the best thing you can do for a person struggling through the dark days of grief... is to just be with them. Any advice you offer them, while it might be well meaning... may not apply to them. Pray diligently about anything you may say. And when you're not certain what to say, don't avoid them, and do pray for them. Just praying... well, there should be no Just in front of the word praying. It is so powerful. And just BEing with them. These are things I've watched the Chapmans cherish this year.

And so you're likely here today because you remember. You remember where you were when you heard. You remember how we made promises to ourselves about our loved ones. You remember how we said we would pray for this family. And you have been so faithful to pray. And indeed it is why this family is still breathing and able to journey on. 

As I write this, it was still "normal" this time last year. I needed to talk to Steven about ministry and career things... but his crazy schedule was preventing it. We traded calls several times that day until we connected just before 5p. A few minutes later... the world changed. 

I miss how it was. I. Miss. How. It. Was. 

If you've seen him perform live since the tragedy, have you noticed that Steven now nods his head "yes" when sings live the line in "Miracle of the Moment" "because we don't have a time machine. and even if we did, would we really want to use it, would we really want to go change everything?" I'm pretty sure I personally know about 100 people who would change this day last year. I would be in line ready to risk whatever destiny outcome changes there might be. 

And yet, at the same time... I don't believe God turned His head when Maria was killed in the accident. I trust in an all wise God. I can't explain Him sometimes. I don't like His actions or inaction sometimes. I've got some serious questions for Him my first 5 minutes in heaven. And yet... I trust Him.  

And in Steven and Mary Beth's words, now that they as a family have stood at the door of eternity... they are more sure than ever that the Gospel is true. That when you go to the darkest, deepest, ugliest place... to the Very Bottom. God is there. He is still there with you. That it's all true. All the things that Steven has written and sung about all these years, it's true.

As someone who has been honored to walk alongside an extended family and circle of the Chapman's friends I have watched them closely. The words I've just typed aren't things they just say for interviews or for people at concerts or at church. They also say them when no one else is around... on planes to California with no one in the seat next to us, in their living room to each other, and on buses alone in the back lounge in the dark of night. They believe it, they are living it. Their new normal.

The family is marking the day with a small gathering, and in advance I thank you all for your prayers for them today and for the days ahead. As a wise poet once said... Though Maria is... "We are not Home yet. So let us journey on."

Comments

[Michele Hall]

Thank you Jim!! Yes, we remember! And we continue to PRAY. Please again express our love to the Chapmans today! And thank you God for walking with each one of them...of us through each day this year.

With much love!
Michele and family

[Debbie from Ohio]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts today. May God embrace each and every Chapman family member, staff member, and friends. Yes, I remember where I was when I heard the news. My heart breaks to think about it being "one year." "One year" closer to the coming of Jesus, "one year" closer to going to heaven, "one year" closer to being reunited with those that have gone on before us, "one year" closer to that mansion He has gone away to prepare for us so that where He is, we will be with Him also, "one year"............PRAYERS!

[Kelby]

Your thoughts are beautiful because they are real. Thank you for sharing them. I grieve with all of you today. I grieve with all of you everyday. You are correct. I remember exactly where I was. I remember. And for this precious family, I hurt. A deep, abiding, gut-wrenching hurt. I too believe the promises. I praise our Father today for remaining faithful in allowing this beloved family to remain steadfastly confident in the promises. God is being glorified.

But oh, what a steep, steep price.

Sacred. Yes. That is most definitely the proper word.

Please pass along my love.

[Michelle L. Springfield, MO]

I have prayed and thought about this precious family so much over the last year. They will continue to be prayed for, but especially today.

[Jana]

Praying for overwhelming Comfort today.

[Stefanie in Illinois]

Yes Jim, a very wise poet... Prayers always...

[candy martin]

Just wanted to say thanks for being "the bridge" between the Chapmans and all of us who have felt so called to pray for them. I don't think I'll ever forget were I was when I heard the news and I know I'll never forget the incredible impact it has had on my life. I have really come to a place of daily conversation and prayer with God that I had never been disciplined to do before! This year has made me question my faith and strengthend my faith beyond belief. I know I am only one of MANY MANY who have been brought closer to God through Maria.
I will continue to pray for all of you!

[Cherish]

Yes, I am remembering and praying today, too. Thank you, Jim, for emotionally and physically BEING there for the Chapman family, representing all of us who can't be.

[Julie L in NC]

Jim, Thank you so much for the beautiful post. Yes, I am here today because I know what day it is and yes, I remember vividly that I was watching the morning news with my own beautiful Cinderella from China when I heard about Maria's death. My prayers have been and continue to be with the whole Chapman family, including their extended family like you & Grace & others.

[Ben & Stacy Houk]

Praying. Hoping. Loving.

bh

[Joanne]

Thank you so much for your post. I will be praying today for all of you.

[jcbeattie]

So wise and eloquently written.

[Lisa..from So. Cal]

We are praying for all of you today,as we have in the past year, and we will continue to pray.My daughter and I will be wearing pink shirts, and a little piece of fabric with ladybugs on it, pinned to our pink shirts.We may even continue to wear them tomorrow in our homeschool group as people will ask, and I will tell them why we are wearing what we are wearing, and to please keep the Chapman family in their prayers.

Steady on, be strengthen, praying for the Lord"s presence to surround the Chapmans, their extended family and friends, and yourself Jim.
In Him, Lisa

[hannah : )]

Praying hard for this precious family today.

[Donna]

Thank you, Jim, for taking time to share your thoughts with us on this most difficult day. No, I will never forget hearing the news about Maria & the impacy it had. Praying...

[Paul]

Jim, thank you for your ponderings. I can remember that day, I will always remember that day, and despite having never met Steven and his family, I have felt so close to them through yours (and their) writing. Praying for them always, and you and your family, and giving thanks for the love, grace and hope that they have shown through all of this. Thank you.

[maria]

Thanks, this is a wonderful blog. May God continue to bless the Chapman and your family. Be blessed!

[Jenny]

I really don't have any phenomenal words to say. Just know that I'm another one of the many lifting the entire Chapman family and extended family in prayers. You are all a consistent example of the faithfulness of the Father.

[sandy]

Yes Jim. I came to the site to remember, to pray, to shed a tear. But not to sob, get a lump in my throat, to have a possibility pop up to have to repace my keyboard because of many shed tears...we are emotional beings, we love big don't we. Only because He first loved us and is showing us what love is.
I think you may have so eloquently said things to soothe our hearts. Thank you.
We'll be praying on,
Sandy

[Mary Sue]

Jim,
Thanks for being the "voice" today. Tears running down my cheeks, knowing how lucky we all are to have you to offer such profound words, like you have all year, to somewhat fill our emptiness and loss. You have sparked much faith, hope and love in myself and so many others....thank you my dear friend...whom I have never met.

[Kelly Burton]

Jim, I feel I power you a debt of gratitude for your openness this past year. If not for you, I and many others might not have continued praying... we might have just let others continue the work. Because of you, we have walked parts of this journey with this beautiful extended Chapman family, and because of you, we have in some ways become part of it. Thank you for opening your heart even when it must have been so hard for you to do so. I don't know what else to say. I rally feel like my life has changed because of you all this past year. I'll keep praying.

[JulieinCa]

Great words Jim, they are so true. The best thing is to say nothing and pray. Thank you for keeping us informed this past year and letting us walk alongside the Chapman's too! It has grown me in my faith.

[Tanya Robinson]

Jim,

Thank you for being with them when those of us "out here" cannot be. I hope that many of us will continue to be prayer warriors for this beautiful family and that some day we will all get to SEE Maria in that big house. The reunion will a certain reward for our prayers!

Blessings to you today, Jim!

[Nancy from California]

Thank you Jim once again. Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with us as well. Thank you for helping us this year to lift this family and all of those around them--including you up in prayer. May God use this day for His glory, and hold all of you tightly yet gently through it.
Love in Christ,
Nancy

[diane]

Journey on....