One of the Unanswerable Questions

Everyone wants to know... how are they doing? I understand the question. So many care so deeply, so many can't imagine this loss. But the question is unanswerable, really.

I think Caleb did it best when he said at the visitation and at the funeral that the best term he can find is "confused." "We're sad and happy. Together and Lonely..." and then he stopped, realizing you can't describe confused, in his words, "it's sorta the point of the word." So much wisdom in this young man.

In this difficult time, the Chapman family has not done any interviews. In fact, the only comments the press or media has had from anyone associated with Steven has been through this website, quotes pulled from what we were sharing with you about what has happened. And in a few other instances, Steven's pastor Scotty Smith or the Executive Director of Shaohannahs Hope, Scott Hasenbalg. Still... it is just too painful, just too crazy, the grief too deep.

On Wednesday night and Thursday, they were truly despondent and wailing through this horrible unthinkable thing. On Friday late morning, I saw the family start to string sentences together. And then at the Memorial Service, Saturday, though the emotion was still raw and the pain is still so deep, profound things were said by these people struggling to find their way in a world without Maria.

I've been privileged to be with them each day of this horrible week... so how are they doing? It is unanswerable... but I'll say this... I see them holding on to the Gospel better than you could imagine or hope for, just as you might think they would. Today, the room is quiet, the talk is somber... but occasionally you'll see a smile. Once in awhile, you might even hear a light laugh. Hope never left, and hope is just starting to show itself again, in small ways. There is still profound sadness. There is still deep concern for some in the family and how they will chart their way out of these dark days. But, there is a Savior, they are sure of it, I hear them talking about it. Heaven is real. It's real-er than ever to this close knit family. Sadness with hope.

A wedding cake picked out today, hope with sadness.
a little girl crying missing her sister, sadness with hope.
basketball practice and carpool and lasagna from friends for dinner.
The new normal is not much fun right now.

And then there is a community of family and friends (including you!) praying. Your prayers are often talked about and appreciated. The family is overwhelmed by your support and is comforted by it, be assured. Grateful for you.

Comments

[Tara]

SO glad that you posted an update. I am sure when the family is ready to issue any statement they will. I cannot tell you how much God has put this family on my mind and heart. I think that I have been praying everytime I get a moment. I can't help but keep checking in here.
Peace of Christ to you Chapman family!
Tara Adams, Nashville

[Sivje Parish]

Jim thank you for your updates. It is so hard to read of the pain but I am so grateful for the hope. We feel we know this family, almost feel a part of them because of their heart and ministry. But that is of course, presumptuous. We can not possibly know the pain.

But if it were not for them, we may not have our little Ahnalin. As a family, we have cried and cried for the Chapmans, for the loss of Maria, and the pain of the family who survives. We pray for the future, and for God's comfort and call.

Personally, I want to tell you that I have loved reading what you have written. My husband and I met you and your wife 2 1/2 years ago in China when we were adopting. You were very kind to pray for me when my baby and I were so sick in the Hong Kong airport. Thank you so much. I have not forgotten that kindness.

In His Grace,
Sivje Parish

[Rach]

Lifting you all up in prayer.

I am so glad to be able to do that; it takes my mind off of my current situation and allows me to be a part of something greater.

So glad you are there to minister to them.

[Lisa D.]

I can't remember a time where I have prayed more fervently than for this family. Even though I don't know them personally, they inspired us to adopt our sweet girl from China and I feel like I have a bond with them. They are an amazing family surrounded by amazing folks like yourself. Will Franklin has been weighing on my heart heavily these last couple of days as well. We are praying for them, for you and others who are walking them through this unbelievable time. Our God is good and I can't wait to see joy and laughter restored to this family... I can't wait to see what God has in store for them and I can't wait to see how God will use this tragedy for His glory... for good. Satan will not get a foothold here. Blessings and hugs.

[Jillian]

Thank you the update. They are continually in my prayers. I know that only God can touch them where they need it, but the Body of Christ is lifting them up and begging for mercy.

Love and prayers from our family to yours.

[Nicole]

Thank you so much for the updates. The Chapman family has not left my thoughts and prayers since I heard the news. Grateful for you, Jim.

[Cindy]

Losing a child has to be one of the most difficult trials a family can experience. And I can only imagine it is that much harder with the world watching. I pray for God's protection over all of you in this difficult time.

Cindy
http://adopttaiwan.wordpress.com

[The Carmody's]

Your updates are appreciated Jim. We pray regardless, and we hope the Chapman's know that included in our prayers is that they find their way through this with Christ in His time...and if that means no interviews, then the countless brothers and sisters in Christ more then understand...our prayers are what we cling to, and part of them is that our prayers give the Chapman's strength.

We continue to pray for you as well Jim, as well as others who are close to the family in your grief.

In Christ,
The Carmody's

[Elizabeth Gividen]

Dear Jim,

Thank you for your continued updates on the Chapman family. Our family weeps and prays for them daily. We have Maria's picture on our frig so we will NEVER forget to pray for them. We are America World Associates and also work with Visiting Orphans. We've only met the Chapmans a couple of times....but they feel like family to us. We have 2 bio teens and 2 5 yr olds from China. We feel a great connection with the family. We are praying Jim...we are praying.

[Melissa Melvin]

My prayers continue to be wit this family. May God continue to comfort them. Thank you for the updates.

[Sharmayn]

Oh Jim, thank you again.

"Hope never left, and hope is just starting to show itself again, in small ways. There is still profound sadness. There is still deep concern for some in the family and how they will chart their way out of these dark days."

During the first weeks after my son died two years ago, often all I knew to do was lay in the floor with my head in my Bible. It seemed too much for my brain - and my heart- to comprehend. I read an article about Mary Beth where a 3 year old Shaoey had said that she was born "from Mommie's heart," (instead of her tummy).

When my son died I felt an almost tangible hole in my gut... as if someone had blown a cannon right thru my belly. I would later come to describe this feeling as having delivered a 5ft 7in, 120 pound baby into Heaven.

I imagine that Steven and Mary Beth feel as tho their very hearts have been torn out-- the result of delivering their little Maria, perhaps some 40 pounds of immeasureable love into Heaven.

It will just take time. Not to " get over it" as someone has said. But at the very least to make peace with it. Their family has been severely fractured. In time they will begin to be able to accept the "new normal", to allow Jesus, Himself, to fill that spot that only Maria could hold in the hearts and in their family.

This is truly a One Set of Footprints season for them. Jesus willl carry them through. They will , each one, be able to chart their way out of this, by the grace of God,one day at a time. I'm living proof.

I repeat what so many have said. I thank God for you. Please keep being there for them and keeping us - who want so much to be there as well- posted.

My heart overflows with the love of Christ for you all.

[Melissa Melvin]

My prayers continue to be with them. Thank you for the update May God continue to grant each one of you the comfort that you need.

In Chist,

Melissa Melvin

[Cindy]

Losing a child has to be one of the most difficult trials a family can experience. And I can only imagine it is that much harder with the world watching. I pray for God's protection over all of you in this difficult time.

Cindy
http://adopttaiwan.wordpress.com

[DJ]

After reading your update I'm wondering whether my comments left on Calebs myspace blog are appropriate - what do you do at a time like this - laugh, cry, silence, shout...! I've wondered, probably like so many others, how we can be there, to help - a natural longing when you love others - to ease their pain but I've come to realise that physically being there would serve no benefit - i don't know the family personally or how they interact with one another - but being where I am right now, praying, is the best place for me to help the Chapman family. Can I be so bold to ask you to continue with your updates - I don't need detail - just enough to know how to pray!

Thank you Jim for being faithful to God, faithful to the Chapman family - knowing there are people around them like you right now helps us all know they are in safe hands/arms!! x

[Courtney]

There is a world of Christians out here praying constantly for the Chapmans and for you. How gracious of you to give us glimpses into this past week - it does help us all pray. And pray we will. God who knows, God who comforts, God who understands and God who heals...is God who listens. I, as many people have already said, grieve (in incomparably small ways) with you daily. I doubt anyone wants the family to be disturbed or prodded during this time - thank you for your blogs. They help us all pray. God is using you in mighty ways. Praying for His continued strength in you.

[Stephanie from Ocala]

Dear Mr. Houser, Thank you for being the connection of us to the Chapman's. I hope you too are getting rest. Thank you for being completely open too. It hurts so much! I want to be there! I don't have anything else to say to comfort that they don't already posses, I only wish I did. Time will be a great gift, I think. They were hit at both ends. God have mercy!

[Phyllis Olson]

Thank you so much for the update. I continue to think about and pray for the Chapman family every day. Today I am praying most especially for Will Franklin, that God will completely fill and cover him with His peace, comfort, and self-forgiveness. My heart aches for him.

In Christ,
Phyllis

[kristina]

Thank you so much for that. I have thought of the family so much and prayed even more. I will continue to. May they know that we all love them and may God give them all the strength and peace they need to heal.

God bless you.
Kristina
Hendersonville, TN

[Nicole H]

Thanks for the update Jim. I've been thinking about them all week and praying contuilly for them to be loved and comfortable by the Greatest Comforter Jesus. Please let them know has much has we can that we love them so much.

[Laurie]

Dear Jim and Chapman family - I have set my calendar to the 21st of every month. All of you will be in my prayers. I also pray that knowing this brings you comfort through every "first," every anniversary, every family gathering that will always have one beloved member missing here on earth. You are right - Caleb has spoken with such wisdom. I am especially praying for how God is going to heal Will in a tremendous way we like. The Lord has moved in His people - I am praying for everyone who has ever lost a loved one. Just know you will always be remembered by your brothers and sisters in Christ.

[Robert and Helen Moore]

Dearest Steven and Mary Beth and family, Your music has touched our lives and your ministry has touched our family. I heard you share your adoption story on Dobson's Focus on the Family, you shared how you had started a ministry helping families adopt. My son and his precious wife had been inspired by your adoption of Shaohannah, and were in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. Funds from Shaohannah’s Hope sealed the deal. We now have two beautiful additions to our family. Just want you to know how your lives and ministry has blessed in ways you will see in heaven. One other huge blessing (for us) that is coming. My middle son is getting married in October and I have chosen Steven’s song “Parents' Prayer” to dance with my son. Not sure who wrote the lyrics but the message with your voice says it all. Many will hear God's word that day. I do not pretend to understand your loss but I know I hug my grandchildren in my thoughts (miles separate us) much more and I pray stronger for my children and their children. Jesus will use even this pain to His glory. Father God, please lay your Hands upon this family and lift them up!

Bob and Helen Moore

[Beka]

Thank you for updating. I'm so glad that this is causing them to grow closer to Christ. Trials are supposed to be like fire purifying gold, but I can't understand why the fire has to be so hot sometimes. But God is there, ready to cry with us, and hold us, and, someday when it's time, show us what good was done through our suffering.

[Felicia Huff]

I have not stopped praying for the Chapmans, for got to ease their burden and to bring them peace. While it is too awful for me to imagine, I can only say that I hurt with them. God will get them through this. I'm so happy they are Christians. That is the only way anyone could overcome this amount of pain. May God continue to keep his healing and loving arms around all of them. Thank you for keeping us updated. We sincerely love this family and all they have done for Christian music and for the adoption world!

[melissa from IN]

Jim,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It seems that everything about my day directs me to lifting you all up in your time of need. Even as I "just happened" to catch a David Jerimiah sermon on the radio about passing on the faith (Timothy recieving his faith from his mother and grandmother)I prayed that the Chapman family (especially the younger children) would be able to see their parents faith in action, even in the deepest, darkest hours that they have ever experienced. A faith that is tried and tested, that waits in Hope, cries in Hope, believes in Hope and says goodbye in Hope. You said it so well. There is confusion. I will continue to intercede for this precious, hurting family, as the Holy Spirit directs. I pray that the God of all comfort would guard their hearts and minds, knowing that grief comes in many forms, and just as He has created each person differently, so each person will grieve differently. For those of you that need a hug, here is one long distance one from our family to yours. ((((((((HUG))))))))
Rex and Melissa Espiritu
Christina, Hannah, Grace, Tabitha, Priscilla, and Sara

[Julie Nicholas]

Jim, thank you so much for the update! I know it can't be easy for you to write those words sometimes, but I have found myself checking your blog many times throughout the day just hoping for a glimpse of how the Chapmans are surviving this. I keep seeing families with what appears to be adopted Chinese daughters, and I have never noticed them so much. I don't think they have been there so much before. I think God has placed them there to remind me to continue to pray! I grieve for what Mary Beth as a mom must be feeling and for Will and what his heart must be going through. I pray for the whole family, but these two have especially weighed heavily on my heart the last couple days. Thank you for treating this community as friends of the family! We definitely feel as though we are, even though I have never personally met any of them. My heart continues to grieve and mourn with all of the Chapmans. I'm glad that there are small glimpses of hope and light coming through the darkness. No one expects the family to go back to "normal" but just to continue to let God heal them, find their new normal, and continue to remember how much they loved Maria! We love you, Chapman family!!! Jim, thank you for all you are doing for them and for us!